Women Carry The Emotional Burden Of Elderly Care Decisions

As families across the UK face the difficult decision of finding care for their elderly loved ones, an emotional toll is being borne disproportionately by women. Dubbed “the guilt gap,” this phenomenon is driven by deeply ingrained social expectations, leaving women feeling the strain of balancing careers, parenting, and the mental load of care arrangements.

According to recent research, 70% of emergency contacts and primary enrollers for care home residents are women. This striking statistic underscores the emotional and logistical burden that often falls on daughters, wives, and female relatives.

Adding to this, the concept of the “mental load” describes the invisible labour of planning and decision-making that disproportionately affects women in households. When applied to elderly care decisions, this invisible labour manifests in researching care homes, coordinating with medical professionals, and managing family dynamics.

For many women, this weight is compounded by feelings of guilt, as they question whether they are “doing enough” for their loved ones while juggling other responsibilities.

Kevin Snowball, CEO of Lilian Faithfull Care, said:
“We see this emotional burden on families, particularly women, every day. The guilt many feel is heartbreaking, but it’s important to know that you’re not alone. At Lilian Faithfull Care, we believe in supporting the entire family through these challenging decisions. As a non-profit, our priority is the well-being of residents and their families”.

As the sandwich generation continues to juggle raising children, careers, and caring for ageing parents, it’s crucial to shine a light on the emotional toll of care decisions and encourage families to work together.

Sharing the responsibility – practical advice for care decisions

Lilian Faithfull Care offers the following tips for families facing care decisions:

1. Involve the whole family: Start discussions early and include all relatives. Assign specific roles to ensure the responsibility is shared, making the process smoother for everyone.
2. Seek professional advice: Consult with care providers who can guide you through the process and offer practical, emotional support.
3. Give yourself grace: Decisions about care are never easy. Acknowledge your emotions, and remember you’re doing your best.
4. Don’t delay: Leaving decisions to the last minute can increase stress. Research and visit care providers in advance to make a well-informed choice.